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The generation before believed they needed someone to complete them. Millennials today believe they need to complete themselves.

But this idea is flawed. Because what is a complete person? There’s no such thing. And if you assume that you should wait until you’ve worked out all your flaws before entering into a relationship you’ll never have one. Perfection is a terrible thing to pick as a starting line.

Saying that you won’t have a relationship until you’re fully prepared is like saying that you won’t learn to compose music until you’re skilled at your instrument. But they’re separate skill sets. And while they support each other, you don’t even have to be good at playing an instrument to be an amazing composer.

Choosing to become a complete person before entering a relationship is a path to getting lost in preparation. And looking for a complete person is about as useful as trying not to think about a pink elephant when somebody tells you not to.